If one day you feel like crying...Call me.

If one day you feel like crying...Call me.
I don't promise you that..
I can make you laugh
But I can cry with you

If one day you want to run away-
Don't be afraid to call me
I don't promise to ask you to stop
But I can run with you

If one day you don't want
to listen to anybody;
Call me and...
I promise to be very quiet

But... If one day you call
and there is no answer
Come fast to see me...
Perhaps I need you

10 Silly Website Names

There are many legitimate sites that, on first reading, appear to be using rude domain names. Often it is not until you take a second look that you realise that they can also be innocent. This is the list of the top 10.

1. Whorepresents
A site called Who Represents where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name wait for it is www.whorepresents.com.

2. Expertsexchange
Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com.

3. Penisland
Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net.

4. Therapistfinder
Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com.

5. Powergenitalia
Then of course, theres the Italian Power Generator company www.powergenitalia.com.

6. Molestationnursery
And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: www.molestationnursery.com.

7. Ipanywhere
If youre looking for computer software, theres always www.ipanywhere.com.

8. cummingfirst
Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is www.cummingfirst.com.

9. speedofart
Then, of course, theres these brainless art designers, and their whacky website: www.speedofart.com.

10. gotahoe
Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at www.gotahoe.com.

Valentine Humor

Love: When you take a bubble bath together
Lust: When you take a bath in Jell-o together
Marriage: When you give the kids a bath


Love: A romantic candle-light dinner for two
Lust: "Do I have to buy you dinner first?"
Marriage: 4 McDonald's Happy Meals . . . to go


Love: Giving your love some candy
Lust: Thinking you are the candy
Marriage: Scraping the kids' candy off of the carpet


Love: Sex every night
Lust: Sex 5 times a night
Marriage: What's sex?


Love: A night out at the symphony
Lust: A night out at the Holiday Inn
Marriage: A night out at Sesame Street On Ice


Love: French perfume
Lust: Brut aftershave
Marriage: "The baby needs changing. . ."


Love: Lending your jacket to your love when he/she is cold
Lust: "I can think of a way to stay warm . . ."
Marriage: Your teenaged daughter has borrowed all of your jackets


Love: Talking and cuddling
Lust: Rolling over and falling asleep
Marriage: Getting up to wash your hands . . .


Love: Finding the "Fell in Love on AOL" room
Lust: Finding the "Blonde Dominatrix" room
Marriage: Finding the "Married and Looking" room


Love: Long drives through the countryside
Lust: Long parking sessions at Lover's Lookout
Marriage: Long drives with the kids screaming in the backseat

Famous Proverbs and Adages

A bad cause requires many words. German Proverb
A book is like a garden carried in the pocket. Arab Proverb
A bird in the hand is worth two in a bush. English Proverb
A broken hand works, but not a broken heart. Persian Proverb
A cat has nine lives. Proverb of Unknown Origin
A clear conscience is a soft pillow. German Proverb
A close friend can become a close enemy. Ethiopian Proverb
A closed mouth catches no flies. Italian Proverb
A country can be judged by the quality of its proverbs. German Proverb
A courtyard common to all will be swept by none. Chinese Proverb
A dimple on the chin, the devil within. Gaelic Proverb
A dog is wiser than a woman; it does not bark at its master. Russian Proverb
A drink precedes a story. Irish Proverb
A drowning man is not troubled by rain. Persian Proverb
A fool sees not the same tree that a wise man sees. William Blake "Proverbs of Hell" (1790)
A forest is in an acorn. Proverb of Unknown Origin
A friend in need is a friend indeed English Proverb
A friend's eye is a good mirror. Irish Proverb
A good denial, the best point in law. Irish Proverb
A good husband is healthy and absent. Japanese Proverb
A hard beginning maketh a good ending. John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
A healthy man is a successful man. French Proverb
A hedge between keeps friendship green. French Proverb
A hen is heavy when carried far. Irish Proverb
A hound's food is in its legs. Irish Proverb
A house without a dog or a cat is the house of a scoundrel. Portuguese Proverb
A hungry man is an angry man. English Proverb
A lie travels round the world while truth is putting her boots on. French Proverb
A little too late, is much too late. German Proverb
A loan though old is not gift. Hungarian Proverb
A lock is better than suspicion. Irish Proverb
A man does not seek his luck, luck seeks its man. Turkish Proverb
A man is not honest simply because he never had a chance to steal. Yiddish Proverb
A man may well bring a horse to the water, but he cannot make him drink. John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
A man should live if only to satisfy his curiosity. Yiddish Proverb
A monkey never thinks her baby's ugly. Haitian Proverb
A new broom sweeps clean, but the old brush knows all the corners. Irish Proverb
A penny for your thoughts. John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
A penny saved is a penny gained. Scottish Proverb
A poor beauty finds more lovers than husbands. English Proverb
A prudent man does not make the goat his gardener. Hungarian Proverb
A rumor goes in one ear and out many mouths. Chinese proverb
A silent mouth is melodious. Irish Proverb
A single Russian hair outweighs half a Pole. Traditional Russian Saying
A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in. Greek Proverb
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. Bible - Proverbs 15:1.
A son is a son till he gets him a wife,But a daughter's a daughter the rest of your life. Proverb of Unknown Origin
A spoon does not know the taste of soup, nor a learned fool the taste of wisdom. Welsh Proverb
A table is not blessed if it has fed no scholars. Yiddish Proverb
A teacher is better than two books. German Proverb
A thief believes everybody steals. Proverb of Unknown Origin
A thorn defends the rose, harming only those who would steal the blossom. Chinese proverb
A throne is only a bench covered with velvet. French Proverb
A trade not properly learned is an enemy. Irish Proverb
A tree falls the way it leans. Bulgarian Proverb
A white Christmas fills the churchyard. French Proverb
A wise man hears one word and understands two. Yiddish Proverb
A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follows the public opinion. Chinese Proverb
A woman has the form of an angel, the heart of a serpent, and the mind of an ass. German Proverb
A worthy woman is far more precious than jewels, strength and dignity are her clothing. Bible - Proverbs 31
Act in the valley so that you need not fear those who stand on the hill. Danish Proverb
Advice should be viewed from behind. Swedish Proverb
Advice when most needed is least heeded. English Proverb
After shaking hands with a Greek, count your fingers. Albanian Saying
Age is honorable and youth is noble. Irish Proverb
All is well that ends well. John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
All things grow with time, except grief. Yiddish Proverb
An angry man is not fit to pray. Yiddish Proverb
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Proverb of Unknown Origin
An ass in Germany is a professor in Rome. Traditional German Saying
An enemy will agree, but a friend will argue. Russian Proverb
An Englishman will burn his bed to catch a flea. Turkish Proverb
An ox remains an ox, even if driven to Vienna. Hungarian Proverb
And old rat is a brave rat. French Proverb
Anger can be an expensive luxury. Italian Proverb
Anger is as a stone cast into a wasp's nest. Malabar Proverb
Anger without power is folly. German Proverb
Appetite comes with eating. French Proverb
As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly. Bible - Proverbs 26:11
As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. Bible - Proverbs 23:7
As cold waters to a thirsty soul, so is good news from a far country. Bible - Proverbs 25:25.
As mad as a March hare. Proverb of Unknown Origin
As proud as a peacock. Proverb of Unknown Origin
As sluttish and slatternly as an Irishwoman bred in France. Traditional Irish Saying
As the best wine makes the sharpest vinegar, the truest lover may turn into the worst enemy. Proverb of Unknown Origin
As the big hound is, so will the pup be. Irish Proverb
As we live, so we learn. Yiddish Proverb
Be neither intimate nor distant with the clergy. Irish Proverb
Beggars shouldn't be choosers. John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
Better give a penny then lend twenty. Italian Proverb
Better late than never. John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
Better no doctor at all than three. Polish Proverb
Better the devil you know than the devil you don't know. English Proverb
Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness. Chinese Proverb
Better wear out shoes than sheets. Scottish Proverb
Between the devil and the deep blue sea. Proverb of Unknown Origin
Beware of a silent dog and still water. German Proverb
Black as hell, strong as death, sweet as love. (About coffee.) Turkish proverb
Blood is thicker than water. English Proverb (17th Century)
Both your friend and your enemy think you will never die. Irish Proverb
Butter would not melt in her mouth. John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
Call on God, but row away from the rocks. Indian Proverb
Children are poor men's riches. English Proverb
Children should be seen and not heard. Proverb of Unknown Origin
Children suck the mother when they are young and the father when they are old. English Proverb.
Choose neither a woman nor linen by candlelight. Italian Proverb
Climb mountains to see lowlands. Chinese Proverb
Clogs to clogs in three generations. English Proverb
Clouds gather before a storm. Proverb of Unknown Origin
Commit a sin twice and it will not seem a crime. Jewish Saying
Curiosity killed the cat. Proverb of Unknown Origin
Darkness reigns at the foot of the lighthouse. Japanese Proverb
Deal with the faults of others as gently as with your own. Chinese Proverb
Death always comes too early or too late English Proverb
Death closes all doors. English Proverb
Death pays all debts. English Proverb
Did hogs feed here or did Lithuanians have a feast here? Traditional Polish Saying
Do not be born good or handsome, but be born lucky. Russian Proverb
Do not blame God for having created the tiger, but thank him for not having given it wings. Indian Proverb
Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped. African proverb
Do not rejoice at my grief, for when mine is old, yours will be new. Spanish Proverb
Do not speak of secrets in a field that is full of little hills. Hebrew Proverb
Do not talk Arabic in the house of a Moor. Oriental Proverb
Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead. Chinese Proverb
Don't imitate the fly before you have wings. French Proverb
Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Proverb of Unknown Origin
Eat well, drink in moderation, and sleep sound, in these three good health abound. Latin Proverb
Epigrams succeed where epics fail. Persian Proverb
Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding. Bible - Proverbs 17:28
Even a small thorn causes festering. Irish Proverb
Every ass loves to hear himself bray. Proverb of Unknown Origin
Every cloud has a silver lining. English Proverb
Every dog hath its day. English Proverb
Every garden may have some weeds. English Proverb
Everyone is kneaded out of the same dough but not baked in the same oven. Yiddish proverb
Everyone loves justice in the affairs of another. Italian Proverb
Everyone pushes a falling fence. Chinese Proverb
Evil enters like a needle and spreads like an oak tree. Ethiopian Proverb
Evil is sooner believed than good. Proverb of Unknown Origin
Experience is a comb which nature gives to men when they are bald. Eastern Proverb
Fame is a magnifying glass. English Proverb
Feather by feather the goose can be plucked. French Proverb
Fine feathers make fine birds. English Proverb
Flattery makes friends and truth makes enemies. Spanish Proverb
Fortune is a woman; if you neglect her today do not expect to regain her tomorrow. French Proverb
Fortune is blind, but not invisible. French Proverb
Friends are like fiddle strings, they must not be screwed too tight. English Proverb
Friends are lost by calling often and calling seldom. French Proverb
Friendship is a furrow in the sand. Tongan Proverb
Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he'll eat forever. Chinese Proverb
Give neither counsel nor salt till you are asked for it. Italian Proverb
Give the devil his due. English Proverb
Glutton: one who digs his grave with his teeth. French Proverb
God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers. Jewish Proverb
God gives the nuts, but he doesn't crack them. German proverb
God heals, and the physician takes the fee. French Proverb
God help the rich man, let the poor man beg! Old English Proverb
God help the rich, the poor can look after themselves. Old English Proverb
Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat. Chinese Proverb
Good advice is often annoying, bad advice never. French Proverb
Good as drink is, it ends in thirst. Irish Proverb
Good luck beats early rising. Irish Proverb
Gray hairs are death's blossoms. English Proverb
Half a loaf is better than none. John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
Haste makes waste. John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
Have a horse of your own and then you may borrow another's. Welsh Proverb
He is not wise that is not wise for himself. English Proverb
He lied like an eyewitness. Russian Insult
He makes his home where the living is best. Latin Proverb
He that can't endure the bad will not live to see the good. Jewish Proverb
He that is born to be hanged shall never be drowned. French Proverb (14th century)
He that is rich will not be called a fool. Spanish Proverb
He that lives on hope will die fasting. North American Proverb
He that maketh haste to be rich shall not be innocent. Bible - Proverbs 28:20.
He that marries for money will earn it. American Proverb
He that plants thorns must never expect to gather roses. English Proverb
He that seeks trouble never misses. English Proverb (17th century)
He that spareth his rod hateth his son. Bible - Proverbs 24
He that winna be ruled by the rudder maun be ruled by the rock. Scottish Proverb
He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever. Chinese proverb
He who cannot agree with his enemies is controlled by them. Chinese proverb
He who comes with a story to you brings two away from you Irish Proverb
He who could foresee affairs three days in advance would be rich for thousands of years. Chinese Proverb
He who does not know one thing knows another. Kenyan Proverb
He who gets a name for early rising can stay in bed until midday. Irish Proverb
He who has health, has hope; and he who has hope, has everything. Arabian Proverb
He who has once burnt his mouth always blows his soup. German Proverb
He who holds the ladder is as bad as the thief. German Proverb
He who knows nothing, doubts nothing. Spanish Proverb
He who leaps high must take a long run. Danish Proverb
He who rides a tiger is afraid to dismount. Chinese Proverb
He who serves two masters has to lie to one. Portuguese Proverb
He who sups with the devil has need of a long spoon. English Proverb
He who would climb the ladder must begin at the bottom. English Proverb
He who would eat in Spain must bring his kitchen along. Traditional German Saying
He whose face gives no light, shall never become a star. William Blake "Proverbs of Hell" (1790)
Heaven lent you a soul Earth will lend a grave. Chinese Proverb
Honesty is the best policy. English Proverb
How many will listen to the truth when you tell them? Yiddish Proverb
Hygiene is two thirds of health. Lebanese Proverb
If a man be great, even his dog will wear a proud look. Japanese Proverb
If a man deceives me once, shame on him; if he deceives me twice, shame on me. Italian Proverb
If all pulled in one direction, the world would keel over. Yiddish Proverb
If God lived on earth, people would break his windows. Jewish Proverb
If rich people could hire other people to die for them, the poor could make a wonderful living. Yiddish Proverb
If the patient dies, the doctor has killed him, but if he gets well, the saints have saved him. Italian Proverb
If two men ride a horse, one must ride behind. Proverb of Unknown Origin
If you are planning for a year, sow rice; if you are planning for a decade, plant trees; if you are planning for a lifetime, educate people. Chinese Proverb
If you believe everything you read, better not read. Japanese proverb
If you bow at all bow low. Chinese Proverb
If you do not sow in the spring you will not reap in the autumn. Irish Proverb
If you love him, don't lend him. Polish Proverb
If you take big paces you leave big spaces. Burmese Proverb
If you want to be criticized, marry. Irish Proverb
If you wish to die young, make your physician your heir. Romanian Proverb
If you wish to know the mind of a man, listen to his words. Chinese Proverb
In a calm sea every man is a pilot. Spanish Proverb
In America half an hour is forty minutes. German Proverb
In baiting a mousetrap with cheese, always leave room for the mouse. Greek Proverb
In love, there is always one who kisses and one who offers the cheek. French Proverb
Instinct is stronger than upbringing. Irish Proverb
It is a bad hen that does not scratch herself. Irish Proverb
It is a bold mouse that nestles in the cat's ear. English Proverb
It is a long road that has no turning. Irish Proverb
It is an equal failing to trust everybody, and to trust nobody. English Proverb (18th century)
It is an ill wind that blows nobody any good. Proverb of Unknown Origin
It is better to be a male for one day than a female for ten. Kurdish Proverb
It is better to be born a beggar than a fool. Spanish Proverb
It is better to conceal one's knowledge than to reveal one's ignorance. Spanish Proverb
It is better to exist unknown to the law. Irish Proverb
It is better to sit down than to stand, it is better to lie down than to sit, but death is the best of all. (About laziness) Indian Proverb
It is hard to pay for bread that has been eaten. Danish Proverb
It is not a secret if it is known by three people. Irish Proverb
It is not enough to run, one must start in time. French Proverb
It is not fish until it is on the bank. Irish Proverb
It is not the horse that draws the cart, but the oats. Russian proverb
It is sweet to drink but bitter to pay for. Irish Proverb
It is the good horse that draws its own cart. Irish Proverb
It is the quiet pigs that eat the meal. Irish Proverb
It takes time to build castles. Rome wan not built in a day. Irish Proverb
It's an ill wind that blows no good. John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
It's not a matter of upper and lower class but of being up a while and down a while. Irish Proverb
Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come. Chinese Proverb
Keep a thing for seven years and you'll find a use for it. Irish Proverb
Kill not the goose that lays the golden eggs. English Proverb
Lack of resource has hanged many a person. Irish Proverb
Last ship, best ship. English Proverb
Laws control the lesser man. Right conduct controls the greater one. Chinese Proverb
Lend your money and lose your friend. English Proverb
Let sleeping dogs lie. English Proverb
Let your heart guide your head in evil matters. Spanish Proverb
Life is a bridge. Cross over it, but build no house on it. Indian Proverb
Life without a friend is death without a witness. Spanish Proverb
Like a fish out of water. Latin Saying
Like a lame man's legs that hang limp is a proverb in the mouth of a fool. Bible - Proverbs 26:7
Listen to the sound of the river and you will get a trout. Irish Proverb
Little pitchers have big ears. Proverb of Unknown Origin
Live with wolves, and you learn to howl. Spanish Proverb
Look before you leap. John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
Look down if you would know how high you stand. Yiddish Proverb
Love enters a man through his eyes, woman through her ears. Polish Proverb
Love makes the time pass. Time makes love pass. French Proverb
Love me, love my dog. John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
Love your neighbors, but don't pull down the fence. Chinese proverb
Love, pain, and money cannot be kept secret; they soon betray themselves. Spanish Proverb
Luck has a slender anchorage. English Proverb
Mad as a march hare. John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
Make hay while the sun shines. English Proverb
Mankind fears an evil man but heaven does not. Chinese Proverb
Many a friend was lost through a joke, but none was ever gained so. Czech Proverb
Many hands make light work. John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
May as well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb. English Proverb
May the curse of Mary Malone and her nine blind illegitimate children chase you so far over the hills of Damnation that the Lord himself can't find you with a telescope. Traditional Irish Curse
May the grass grow at your door and the fox build his nest on your hearthstone. May the light fade from your eyes, so you never see what you love. May your own blood rise against you, and the sweetest drink you take be the bitterest cup of sorrow. May you die without benefit of clergy; May there be none to shed a tear at your grave, and may the hearthstone of hell be your best bed forever. Traditional Wexford Curse
May you have a bright future - as the chimney sweep said to his son. Irish Proverb
May you wander over the face of the earth forever, never sleep twice in the same bed, never drink water twice from the same well, and never cross the same river twice in a year. Traditional Gypsy Curse
May your every wish be granted. Ancient Chinese Curse
May your left ear wither and fall into your right pocket. Traditional Arab Curse
Men count up the faults of those who keep them waiting. French Proverb
Mere words do not feed the friars. Irish Proverb
More grows in the garden than the gardener knows he has sown. Spanish Proverb
More things belong to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
Nature breaks through the eyes of the cat. Irish Proverb
Necessity is the mother of invention. Irish Proverb
Necessity knows no law. Irish Proverb
Necessity never made a good bargain. North American Proverb
Need teaches a plan. Irish Proverb
Never cut what can be untied. Portuguese Proverb
Never love with all your heart, it only ends in breaking. English Proverb
Never marry for money. Ye'll borrow it cheaper. Scottish Proverb
Never put off till tomorrow what may be done today. English Proverb
Night is the mother of council. Latin Proverb
No man limps because another is hurt. Danish Proverb
No man ought to look a given horse in the mouth. John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
No rose without a thorn, or a love without a rival. Turkish Proverb
No time like the present. English Proverb
Not the cry, but the flight of the wild duck, leads the flock to fly and follow. Chinese Proverb
Not wine...men intoxicate themselves; Not vice...men entice themselves. Chinese Proverb
Nothing dries sooner than tears. Latin Proverb
Nothing is as burdensome as a secret. French Proverb
Nothing is impossible to a willing heart. John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
One beggar at the door is enough. French Proverb
One cannot shoe a running horse. Dutch Proverb
One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters. English Proverb (17th century)
One flower will not make a garland. French Proverb
One generation plants the trees; another gets the shade. Chinese Proverb
One good turn deserves another. John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
One joy scatters a hundred griefs. Chinese Proverb
One of these day is none of these days. English Proverb
One should go invited to a friend in good fortune, and uninvited in misfortune. Swedish Proverb
One swallow maketh not a summer. John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
One woman never praises another. Estonian Proverb
Only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches English Proverb
Out of the frying pan into the fire. John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
Patience is bitter but its fruit is sweet. French Proverb
Patience is poultice for all wounds. Irish Proverb
Patience is the best medicine. Proverb of Unknown Origin
People live in each other's shelter. Irish Proverb
Pigs might fly, but they are most unlikely birds. Proverb of Unknown Origin
Politics is a rotten egg; if broken, it stinks. Russian proverb
Poor men seek meat for their stomach, rich men stomach for their meat. English Proverb
Power lasts ten years; influence not more than a hundred. Korean Proverb
Practice makes perfect. English Proverb
Praise the young and they will blossom Irish Proverb
Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall. Bible - Proverbs 16:18
Procrastination is the thief of time. Proverb of Unknown Origin
Public before private and country before family. Chinese Proverb
Put silk on a goat, and it's still a goat. Irish Proverb
Quiet people are well able to look after themselves. Irish Proverb
Rags to riches to rags. Lancastrian Proverb
Rain beats a leopard's skin, but it does not wash off the spots. Ashanti Proverb
Rats desert a sinking ship. French Proverb
Riches run after the rich, and poverty runs after the poor. French Proverb
Roasted pigeons will not fly into one's mouth. Dutch Proverb
Rome was not built in a day. John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
Sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. English Proverb
Seek counsel of him who makes you weep, and not of him who makes you laugh. Arabic Proverb
Set a beggar on horseback, and he 'll out ride the Devil. German Proverb
Set a thief to catch a thief. English Proverb
Silence was never written down. Italian Proverb
Since we cannot get what we like, let us like what we can get. Spanish Proverb
Sit a beggar at your table and he will soon put his feet on it. Russian Proverb
Six hours' sleep for a man, seven for a woman and eight for a fool. English Proverb
Small children give you headache; big children heartache. Russian Proverb
Some people are masters of money, and some its slaves. Russian Proverb
Sometimes I go about pitying myself, and all the timeI am being carried on great wings across the sky. Ojibway Saying
Sorrow for a husband is like a pain in the elbow, sharp and short. English Proverb
Speak not of my debts unless you mean to pay them. English Proverb (17th century)
Speak the truth, but leave immediately after. Slovenian Proverb
Stars are not seen by sunshine. Spanish Proverb
Stolen waters are sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant. Bible - Proverbs 9:17.
Sweet is the wine but sour is the payment. Irish Proverb
Take heed of enemies reconciled, and of meat twice boiled. English Proverb.
Take thy thoughts to bed with thee, for the morning is wiser than the evening. Russian Proverb
Talk of the devil and he is sure to appear. English Proverb
Tell me who you live with and I will tell you who you are. Spanish Proverb
Tell the truth and shame the devil. Proverb of Unknown Origin
The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names. Chinese Proverb
The best advice is found on the pillow. Danish Proverb
The best thing about a man is his dog. French Proverb
The big thieves hang the little ones. Czech proverb
The church is near but the road is icy; the bar is far away but I'll walk carefully. Russian proverb
The comforter's head never aches. Italian Proverb
The darkest hour is that before the dawn. English Proverb
The day will come when the cow will have use for her tail. Irish Proverb
The devil looks after his own. Proverb of Unknown Origin
The devil seduced Eve in Italian. Eve mislead Adam in Bohemian. The Lord scolded them both in German. Then the angel drove them from paradise in Hungarian. Traditional Polish Saying
The fat is in the fire. John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials. Chinese Proverb
The girl who can't dance says the band can't play. Yiddish Proverb
The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Proverb of Unknown Origin
The great thieves lead away the little thieves. French Proverb
The green new broom sweepeth clean. John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
The hole is more honorable than the patch. Irish Proverb
The hours of folly are measured by the clock, but of wisdom no clock can measure. William Blake "Proverbs of Hell" (1790)
The innkeeper loves the drunkard, but not for a son-in-law. Yiddish Proverb
The jay bird don't rob his own nest. West Indies Proverb
The light heart lives long. Irish Proverb
The man who does not love a horse cannot love a woman. Spanish Proverb
The man who strikes first admits that his ideas have given out. Chinese Proverb
The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot. Irish Proverb
The mills of God grind slowly but they grind finely. Irish Proverb
The moon is made of a green cheese. John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
The more the merrier. John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
The morning is wiser than the evening. Russian Proverb
The nail that sticks up will be hammered down. Japanese Proverb
The night rinses what the day has soaped. Swiss Proverb
The only good thing that comes from the east is the sun. Traditional Portuguese Saying
The palest ink is better than the best memory. Chinese proverb
The pine stays green in winter...Wisdom in hardship. Chinese Proverb
The raggy colt often made a powerful horse. Irish Proverb
The reverse side also has a reverse side. Japanese proverb
The right man comes at the right time. Italian Proverb
The road to a friend's house is never long. Danish proverb
The Russian knows the way, yet he asks for directions. Traditional German Saying
The sea has an enormous thirst and an insatiable appetite. French Proverb
The silent dog is the first to bite. German Proverb
The smallest thing outlives the human being. Irish Proverb
The Spaniard is a bad servant but a worse master. Traditional English Saying
The sun will set without thy assistance. Hebrew Proverb
The surest way to remain poor is to be an honest man. French Proverb
The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the scythe. Russian proverb
The tide tarrieth for no man. John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
The tongue is more to be feared than the sword. Japanese Proverb
The tongue like a sharp knife...Kills without drawing blood. Chinese Proverb
The truth is not always what we want to hear. Yiddish Proverb
The turtle lays thousands of eggs without anyone knowing, but when the hen lays an egg, the whole country is informed. Malay Proverb
The wearer best knows where the shoe pinches. Irish Proverb
The well fed does not understand the lean. Irish Proverb
The whisper of a pretty girl can be heard further than the roar of a lion. Arabian Proverb
The wise adapt themselves to circumstances, as water molds itself to the pitcher. Chinese Proverb
The wise man sits on the hole in his carpet. Persian Proverb
The wolf loses his teeth, but not his inclinations. Spanish Proverb
The work praises the man. Irish Proverb
The world is a rose: smell it and pass it on to your friends. Persian Proverb
The world would not make a racehorse of a donkey Irish Proverb
There are many paths to the top of the mountain, but the view is always the same. Chinese Proverb
There are more old drunkards than old doctors. French Proverb
There are only two types of Chinese -- those who give bribes and those who take them. Russian Proverb
There are two great pleasures in gambling: that of winning and that of losing. French Proverb.
There is but one good mother-in-law and she is dead. English Proverb
There is honor even among thieves. English Proverb
There is hope from the sea, but none from the grave. Irish Proverb
There is no fireside like your own fireside Irish Proverb
There is no luck except where there is discipline. Irish Proverb
There is no need like the lack of a friend. Irish Proverb
There is no strength without unity. Irish Proverb
There is plenty of sound in an empty barrel. Russian Proverb
There's many a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip. Greek Proverb
They who love most are least valued. English Proverb
Think in the morning. Act in the noon. Eat in the evening. Sleep in the night. William Blake "Proverbs of Hell" (1790)
Think with the wise but walk with the vulgar. German Proverb
Thirst is the end of drinking and sorrow is the end of drunkenness. Irish Proverb
Though a tree grow ever so high, the falling leaves return to the ground. Malay Proverb
Three diseases without shame: Love, itch and thirst. Irish Proverb
Three Spaniards, four opinions. Spanish Proverb
Time is a great story teller. Irish Proverb
Time trieth truth. English Proverb
To be rich is not everything, but it certainly helps. Yiddish Proverb
To deny all, is to confess all. Spanish Proverb
To leave is to die a little. French Proverb
To lend is to buy a quarrel. Indian Proverb
To talk without thinking is to shoot without aiming. English Proverb (18th century)
To teach is to learn. Japanese Proverb
To the ass, or the sow, their own offspring appears the fairest in creation. Latin Proverb
To whom you tell your secrets, to him you resign your liberty. Spanish Proverb
Today is the first day of the rest of your life. North American Saying
Tomorrow is a new day. English Proverb
Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week. Spanish Proverb
Tomorrow never comes. Proverb of Unknown Origin
Trouble rides a fast horse. Italian Proverb
True nobility is in being superior to your previous self. Hindustani Proverb
Trust in Allah, but tie your camel. Old Muslim Proverb
Truth and oil always come to the surface. Spanish Proverb
Truth has a handsome countenance but torn garments. German Proverb
Truth is the safest lie. Jewish Proverb
Truth stands the test of time; lies are soon exposed. Bible - Proverbs 12:19
Truth will be out. Latin Proverb
Two heads are better than one. John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
Two shorten the road. Irish Proverb
Two thirds of the work is the semblance. Irish Proverb
Unless you enter the tiger's den you cannot take the cubs. Japanese Proverb
Visit your aunt, but not every day of the year. Spanish Proverb
Walk straight, my son - as the old crab said to the young crab. Irish Proverb
Want a thing long enough and you don't Chinese Proverb
War is death's feast. George Herbert "Outlandish Proverbs"
Water for oxen, wine for kings. Spanish Proverb
We'll never know the worth of water till the well go dry. Scottish Proverb
Went in one ear and out the other. John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
What belongs to everybody belongs to nobody. Spanish Proverb
What breaks in a moment may take years to mend. Swedish proverb
What one knows it is sometimes useful to forget. Latin Proverb
What you can not avoid, welcome. Chinese Proverb
When a father helps a son, both smile; but when a son must help his father, both cry. Jewish Proverb
When a twig grows hard it is difficult to twist it. Every beginning is weak. Irish Proverb
When fire is applied to a stone it cracks. Irish Proverb
When fortune knocks upon the door open it widely. Spanish Proverb
When ill luck falls asleep, let none wake her. Italian Proverb
When its time has arrived, the prey becomes the hunter. Persian Proverb
When one dog barks another will join it. Latin Proverb
When spider webs unite, they can tie up a lion. Ethiopian proverb
When the apple is ripe it will fall. Irish Proverb
When the drop (drink) is inside, the sense is outside. Irish Proverb
When the iron is hot, strike. John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
When the liquor was gone the fun was gone. Irish Proverb
When the mouse laughs at the cat, there is a hole nearby. Nigerian Proverb
When the sun shineth, make hay. John Heywood "The Proverbs of John Heywood" (1546)
When the sword of rebellion is drawn, the sheath should be thrown away. English Proverb
When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you. African Proverb
When there is order in the nation, there will be peace in the world. Chinese Proverb
When we sing everybody hears us, when we sigh nobody hears us. Russian Proverb
When you live next to the cemetery you cannot weep for everyone. Russian Proverb
When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice. Indian proverb
When your enemy falls, don't rejoice -- but don't pick him up either. Yiddish Proverb
Where no counsel is, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety. Bible - Proverbs 11:14.
Where the tongue slips, it speaks the truth. Irish Proverb
Where there is love there is pain. Spanish Proverb
Where there is no vision, the people perish. Bible - Proverbs 29:18
Where there's music there can be love. French Proverb
While the cat's away, the mice can play. Proverb of Unknown Origin
Who begins too much accomplishes little. German proverb
Who knows most speaks least. Spanish Proverb
Who lies with dogs shall rise up with fleas. Latin Proverb
Wine divulges truth. Irish Proverb
Witches and harlots come out at night. English Proverb
With foxes we must play the fox. Proverb of Unknown Origin
With money you are a dragon; with no money, a worm. Chinese Proverb
Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. Bible - Proverbs 23:13-14.
Without justice, courage is weak. North American Proverb
Wonder is the beginning of wisdom. Greek proverb
Yesterday is but a dream, tomorrow is but a vision. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope. Look well, therefore, to This Day. Sanskrit Proverb
You cannot make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. Irish Proverb
You cannot reason with a hungry belly; it has no ears. Greek Proverb
You cannot unscramble eggs. North American Proverb
You can't hatch chickens from fried eggs. Dutch Proverb
You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a handsome prince. North American Proverb
You must live with a person to know a person. If you want to know me come and live with me. Irish Proverb
Young men may die, old men must. English Proverb
Young wood makes a hot fire. Greek Proverb
Your health comes first; you can always hang yourself later. Yiddish Proverb
Your neighbor's apples are the sweetest. Yiddish Proverb
Youth does not mind where it sets its foot. Irish Proverb
Youth sheds many a skin. The steed (horse) does not retain its speed forever. Irish Proverb
You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was. Irish Proverb

Stupid Questions

We call them "Dumb Questions" here at Brain Candy, and we're sure that ours is THE BEST collection anywhere, with 350 questions!


A stitch in time saves nine what?
After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
After they make Styrofoam, what do they ship it in? --Steven Wright
Are female moths called myths?
Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
Are there a lot of virgins in the Virgin Islands?
Are there any unguided missiles?
Are you breaking the law if you drive past those road signs that say "Do Not Pass"?
Are you telling the truth if you lie in bed?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop?
Can you get cavities in your dentures if you use too much artificial sweetener?
Could crop-circles be the work of a cereal killer?
Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?
Day light savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?
Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
Do blind dogs have seeing-eye humans?
Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?
Do boxer shorts box?
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
Do clowns wear really big socks?
Do crematoriums give discounts to burn victims?
Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped?
Do fish get thirsty?
Do hummingbirds hum because they don't know the words?
Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?
Do mass murderers kill only in church?
Do people in Australia call the rest of the world 'up over'?
Do pilots take crash-courses?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
Do Scottish Terriers get Scotch Tape worms?
Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
Do steam rollers really roll steam?
Do television evangelists do more than lay people? --Stanley Ralph Moss
Do vampires get AIDS?
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Do witches run spell checkers?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? --Steven Wright
Does a man-eating shark eat women, too?
Does an analyst have to be anal? --Adam Rifkin
Does killing time damage eternity?
Does that screwdriver belong to Phillip?
Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
Ever notice how irons have a setting for "permanent" press? I don't get it. --Steven Wright
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
Have you ever talked into an acoustic modem?
Have you ever wondered?
How can someone "draw a blank"?
How can there be self-help "groups"?
How can you tell when it is time to tune your bagpipes?
How come chocolate milk doesn't come from brown cows?
How come I can pick my ears but not my nose?
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
How dead is the Dead Sea?
How did a fool and his money get together?
How did the man who invented cottage cheese know he was done?
How do I set my laser printer on stun?
How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
How do they get the "Keep off the Grass" sign on the grass?
How do you get off a nonstop flight?
How do you know if honesty is the best policy unless you've tried some of the others?
How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink?
How do you throw away a garbage can?
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
How does a person with a lisp pronounce that word?
How does a thermos know whether a drink should be hot or cold?
How does it work out that these people always die in alphabetical order?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
How is it possible to have a "civil" war?
How is it possible to run out of space?
How long is the long arm of the law?
How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb?
How many weeks are there in a light year?
How much can I get away with and still go to heaven?
How much milk is there in the Milky Way?
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you was? --Satchel Paige
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If a candle factory burns down, does everyone just stand around and sing "Happy Birthday?"
If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk?
If a food processor slices and dices food, what does a word processor do?
If a hen and a half can lay an egg and a half in a day and a half, how long would it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle? --Tom Robbins
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?
If a mime commits suicide, does he use a silencer? --Steven Wright
If a mirror reverses right and left, why doesn't it reverse up and down?
If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth?
If a pig is sold to the pawn shop, is it a ham-hock?
If a pizza place sells pizza by the slice, is there a guy in the back tossing a triangle in the air? --Steven Wright
If a pronoun is a word used in place of a noun, is a proverb a word used in place of a verb?
If a tree falls in the forest, does the earth scream out in pain?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure? --Harry Shearer
If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
If all the world is a stage, where are the audience sitting?
If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green, and a lemon called a yellow?
If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
If bees live in an apiary, do apes live in a beeiary?
If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs? --Steven Wright
If cats and dog didn't have fur would we still pet them?
If corn can't hear, why does it have an ear?
If corn oil is made from corn, what is baby oil made from?
If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
If everything is part of a whole, what is the whole part of? --Ashleigh Brilliant
If flowers don't talk back to you, are they mums?
If Fred Flintstone knew that the large order of ribs would tip his car over, why did he order them at the end of every show? --Steven Wright
If God can do anything, can he make a rock so big he can't lift it? --George Carlin
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
If humans get a charley horse, what do horses get?
If humans have nightmares, what do horses have?
If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet? --Steven Wright
If I save time, when do I get it back?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes? --Dennis Miller
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If our knees were on the backs of our legs, what would chairs look like?
If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?
If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers?
If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look like the way they do?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
If the product says "Do not use if seal is broken", how are you supposed to open it and use it?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? --Art Hoppe
If time heals all wounds, how come bellybuttons don't fill in?
If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
If you can wave a fan, and you can wave a club, can you wave a fan club?
If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
If you get into a taxi cab, and ask the driver to drive backwards to your destination, will the cab driver owe you money?
If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
If your car says Dodge on the front of it, do you really need a horn?
If you're a kleptomaniac, is there something you can take for it?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
In court, why do they ask if you swear to tell the truth? If you're planning on lying, do they really think you'll tell them so?
Instead of wasting time hunting and cooking, why don't hunters just use flame-throwers?
Is "tired old cliché" one?
Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
Is a halfback more valuable than a quarterback?
Is a sleeping bull a bull-dozer?
Is a small pig called a hamlet?
Is an oxymoron a really dumb bovine?
Is drilling for oil boring?
Is duck tape made out of ducks?
Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Is that a flying saucer or a pie in the sky?
Is the nose the scenter of the face?
Is this bullshit or fertilizer?
Now that Microsoft is so big, should it be called Macrosoft?
Sexual harassment at work-is it a problem for the self-employed? --Victoria Wood
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
Since there is a speed of light and a speed of sound, is there a speed of smell?
The Scarecrow got a brain, Tin Man got a heart, Lion got courage, Dorothy got home, what did Toto get?
Was the pole vault accidentally discovered by a clumsy javelin thrower?
What are imitation rhinestones?
What do batteries run on?
What do chickens think we taste like?
What do penguins wear for play clothes?
What do people in China call their good plates?
What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep?
What do they call a French kiss in France?
What do they call coffee breaks at the Lipton Tea Company?
What do you call a bedroom with no bed in it?
What do you call a male ladybug?
What do you call male ballerinas?
What do you say if you're talking to God, and he sneezes?
What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
What happened to the first 6 UP's?
What happens if you get scared half to death, ...twice? --Steven Wright
What happens if you go on a survival course - and you don't pass?
What happens if you take No-Doze and wash it down with Nyquil?
What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?
What happens when none of your bees wax?
What happens when you swallow your pride?
What if hell really did freeze over? What would we be using instead?
What if someone died in the living room?
What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?
What if you're in hell, and you're mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
What is "Soft Liquor"?
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
What is a refried bean? Why do they have to fry it twice?
What is shaved ice? Did it have hair on it before it was shaved?
What is the diameter of a square?
What is the speed of dark?
What kind of fruit is in Juicy Fruit gum?
What makes cheese so confidential that we actually need cheese shredders?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
What's the sound a name makes when it's dropped?
What's the synonym for thesaurus?
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
When cows laugh, does milk come out of their noses?
When day breaks who fixes it?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
When night falls who picks it up?
When people lose weight, where does it go?
When something fades in the sunlight, where did the colors go?
When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it to?
When we say our mind wanders - where does it go?
When you put a sheet over your head for Halloween, are you a ghost or a mattress?
Where are the germs that cause 'good' breath?
Where are we going? And what's with this hand basket?
Where did Webster look up the definitions when he wrote the dictionary?
Where do they get Spring water in the other 3 seasons?
Where does the fire go when the fire goes out?
Where does the white go when the snow melts?
Where does your lap go when you stand up?
Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty is an egg?
Where is Old Zealand?
Which is the other side of the street?
Who killed the Dead Sea?
Who opened that first 'oyster' and said "My, my, my. Now doesn't 'this' look yummy!"
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to see an egg come from a chicken's butt and think, "I'll bet that would be good to eat?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?
Why are all blackboards called that when some of them are green?
Why are America's parks administered by the Department of the Interior?
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor, but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
Why are highways build so close to the ground?
Why are raisins called raisins if they are only dried grapes? Why not just call them dried grapes?
Why are some gay people so unhappy?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are they called "stands" when they're made for sitting?
Why are violets blue and not violet?
Why are you expected to slow down in a speed zone?
Why aren't there ever any guilty bystanders?
Why buy shampoo when real poo is still free?
Why can't you make another word using all the letters in "anagram"?
Why can't we tickle ourselves?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why did the pot call the kettle black?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do ballet dancers dance on their toes? Why doesn't the company just hire taller dancers? --Fred Allen
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
Why do flamingos stand on only one leg?
Why do flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
Why do hot dogs come ten to a package and hot dog buns only eight?
Why do mattresses have springs, if they aren't made for jumping on?
Why do people always remember where they were when someone famous was killed? Do they feel perhaps they'll need an alibi?
Why do people go to the unemployment office to find a job?
Why do people park in driveways and drive on parkways? --Larry Anderson
Why do people tell you when they are speechless?
Why do pigs have curly tails?
Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?
Why do they call it 'chili' if it's hot?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
Why do they call it 'getting your dog fixed' if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?
Why do they call it life insurance?
Why do they call it quicksand when it sucks you down slowly?
Why do they call the piece of wood a two-by-four if it's only 1 3/4" x 3 1/2"?
Why do they call Wednesday hump day, when most people get laid on the weekends?
Why do they give you a tape with a VCR to tell you how to use it?
Why do they make cars go so fast its illegal?
Why do they make scented toilet paper?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why do tourists go to the top of tall buildings and then put money in telescopes so they can see things on the ground in close-up?
Why do we call something sent by car a shipment and something sent by ship a cargo?
Why do we call them restrooms when no one goes there to rest?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why do we have hot water heaters when hot water doesn't need to be heated?
Why do we kill people for killing people to show that killing is wrong?
Why do we need training bras? What can we teach them?
Why do we put shirts in a suitcase, and put suits in a garment bag?
Why do we say "a pair of pants" when there is only one article of clothing involved?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game," when we are already there?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Why do wise guy and wise man mean entirely different things?
Why do you feet smell and your nose runs?
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
Why do you need an appointment to see a psychic?
Why does a dishtowel get wet when it dries?
Why does a grapefruit look nothing like a grape?
Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
Why does it take 15 minutes to cook minute rice?
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why doesn't the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?
Why don't they call mustaches "mouthbrows?"
Why don't they just make food stamps edible?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why get even, when you can get odd?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is a boxing ring square?
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange? --Amboy Dukes
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why is a women's prison called a penal colony?
Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?
Why is clear considered a color?
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that famous people are always born on holidays?
Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
Why is it that only adults have difficulty with childproof bottles?
Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
Why is it that to stop Windows 95, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is it you must wait until night to call it a day?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemonsWhy is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand? --Steven Wright
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?
Why is your index finger the same size as your nostrils?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet? --Lily Tomlin
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why was Evelyn Wood in such a hurry?
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

FROM NEW ENGLISH LANGUAGE STUDENT

From New English Language Students

10. I fell in love with her the first time I sawed her.

9. He had such a worm heart.

8. We were two sheeps passing in the night.

7. We have hated each other for so long. I want to borrow the hatchet.

6. My dentist makes me blush twice a day.

5. I don’t know if he will propose, but I am expecting.

4. I have something exciting to tell you.

My girlfriend and I got enraged last night!

3. The groom was wearing a very nice croissant.

2. He lifted the veal off her face and gave her a big kiss.

1. I think she is really glad she got marinated.

FUNNY WOMEN'S FACT'S

They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love;
after marriage it is self-defense

It is difficult to understand GOD.
He makes such beautiful things aswomen..and then he turns them into Wives !!!!

Q: What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
A: Magnets have a positive side!

It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE Vs ARRANGED.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered

A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE..
A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!

THESE SENTENCE'S REALLY MAKE SENCE !!!

1. If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry!Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

2. Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is likeexpecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian. Think about it.

3. Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear,but what we are inside
. So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!

4. Don't walk as if you rule the world,walk as if you don't care who rules the world!
That's called Attitude…! Keep on rocking!

5. Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she didand is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!

6. He was a good man. He never smoked, drank had no affair.When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.They said, he who never lived, cannot die!

7. A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles?He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!

8. So many options for suicide: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging,jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow sure!

9. Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!

10. All desirable things in life are eitherillegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!

11. Laziness is our biggest enemy- Jawaharlal Nehru
We should learn to love our enemies- Mahatma Gandhi
Ab aap bataaye kiski sune bapu di ya chacha di???

12. When things go wrong, when sadness fills your heart,When tears flows from your eyes always say these words…Eh Ganpat, chal daru la…

13. 10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving.Which makes it a logical statement that90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!

HIGH SCHOOL VS COLLEGE

25. In high school, you do homework. In college, you study.

24. No food is allowed in the hall in high school. In college, food must be provided at an event before students will come.

23. In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder; in college, on both.

22. In college, the professors can tell you the answer without looking at the teacher's guide.

21. In college, there are no bells or tardy slips.

20. In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you get to live with your friends.

19. In college, you don't have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool.

18. Only nerds e-mailed in high school. (Cool kids hadn't heard of it.)

17. In high school, you're told what classes to take. In college, you get to choose; that is, as long as the classes don't conflict and you have the prerequisites and the classes aren't closed and you've paid your tuition.

16. In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your way out of it. In college, you're lucky to ever talk with the professor.

15. In high school, fire drills are planned by the administration; in college, by the drunk frat boys on their way home when the bars close.

14. In college, any test consists of a larger percentage of your grade than your high school final exams ever did.

13. In high school, when the teacher said, "Good morning," you mumbled back. In college, when the professor says, "Good morning," you write it down.

12. In high school, freshman guys hit on senior girls. In college, senior guys hit on freshman girls.

11. In college, weekends start on Thursday.

10. In college, it's much more difficult to figure out the course schedule of the man/woman you have a crush on, in order to figure out where he/she will be walking around campus and at what time to find them there.

9. Once you've obtained the information described in #10, it's much more time-consuming to run between classes to that place where you know he/she will be in order to "just happen to bump into him/her."

8. In college, there's no one to tell you not to eat pizza three meals a day.

7. In college, your dad doesn't pay for dates.

6. In high school, it never took 3 or 4 weeks to get money from Mom and Dad.

5. College men are cuter than high school boys.

4. College women are legal.

3. In college, when you miss a class (or two or three), you don't need a note from your parents saying you were skip... uh, sick that day.

2. In high school, you can't go out to lunch because it's not allowed. In college, you can't go out to lunch because you can't afford it.

1. In college, you can blow off studying by writing lists like this.

WHAT MAN AND WOMEN HAVE ???

MONEY
A man will pay $10 for a $5 item he needs.
A woman will pay $5 for a $10 item that she doesn't need, because it's on sale.


BATHROOM
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, razor, shaving cream, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Motel 6.
The average number of items in a woman's bathroom is 328. The average man would not be able to identify most of them.


ARGUMENTS
Women always have the last word in an argument. Anything a man adds after that is the beginning of a new argument.


CATS
Women love cats.
Men may say they love cats, but when women are not looking, will men kick cats.


FUTURE
A woman worries about the future -- until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future -- until he gets a wife.


SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than can be spent by his wife.
A successful woman is one who can find that a man.

Do you have a honey, but not a lot of money?

Do you have a honey, but not a lot of money? Try these economical ideas

Valentine’s Day sure can pack an unexpected financial punch. And that’s just what people need if they’re still paying off credit-card bills from December, right?

Officials with Huntington Bank in Ohio estimate that many would-be Romeos will spend anywhere from $160 to $400 on this single celebration. That’s fine and good if you can afford it – but what if you can’t?

Bearing in mind that money worries can be efficient and ruthless relationship killers, perhaps the worst Valentine’s Day gift you could give is anything that leaves you grappling with debt and debt-related stress. That said, you don’t have to appear cheap or forgo fun and romance altogether, either. Consider these tips for dreaming up an approach to this year’s celebration that is both meaningful and economical.

1. Get creative when it comes to dinner. You really don’t have to spend $85 to $250 on a romantic dinner at a restaurant. Why not have a nice candlelit dinner at home? You could even get all dressed up for it. If you know you’re going to be too tired to cook after work on Valentine’s Day, which falls on a Wednesday this year, order a special meal ahead of time and pick it up on your way home.

2. Enjoy a little ambiance. If you both really want to go out on the town together, you could have coffee or a drink and dessert at an expensive café or restaurant or a dark, romantic bistro. This is a way to savor the atmosphere — and your date — without emptying your wallet.

3. Play hooky. OK, do NOT follow this tip if your job or your partner’s job is hanging in the balance. But if you’ve racked up some vacation time, or if your employer allows you to take personal days from time to time, why not see if you can take the day off together on Wednesday? Depending on where you live, the two of you could stroll through a park, walk on a beach, go snow-shoeing, take a rowboat or paddleboat out on a lake, or catch a matinee movie. You also could drive to a small town near your home or through neighborhoods you’ve never visited before and search for small, out-of-the-way places to eat or find public parks and open spaces for walks.

4. See some live music. Check to see whether a university or college in your area is offering any potentially enjoyable concerts on Feb. 14. Performances by the college music department would likely be free or cost a fraction of the price charged by professional orchestras and opera houses.

5. Seek out some silence. Here’s a potential date idea if you’ve both been stressed out lately: You could wander through libraries and bookstores with coffee shops that encourage browsing. Rediscover passages you love from your favorite books, and enjoy the quiet. (Cautionary note: Be careful not to go nuts buying $25 paperbacks! That could defeat the whole purpose of this tip!)

6. Have low-cost fun with food on Feb. 14. You can pull out the cookie cutters and make heart-shaped cookies and even cut your lunch sandwiches into hearts. You also can make heart-shaped cupcakes by placing a marble inside each muffin tin on the outside of the paper cupcake cup.

7. Give thoughtful gifts. Most people stick to the same general gift themes on Valentine’s Day: flowers, chocolates, cards, maybe a piece of jewelry. Can you think of something different that might mean a whole lot more — and maybe even cost a whole lot less? Last November I wrote a 10 Tips column about how to avoid overspending during the holiday season, and that column included a tip about making your own gifts. Such gifts could include cakes, cookies or gift certificates for your services. The gift certificate idea might be just the ticket for you if you’re short on cash but high on love this Valentine’s Day. You could offer to run errands for your loved one, make a nice dinner, clean the house, repair the car or give a massage.

8. Reflect on that flower purchase. If you’re sure your special someone will be devastated without the gift of flowers, then you probably should get some. But once again, you don’t have to follow the herd. Everyone opts for roses at this time of year, but there are plenty of other gorgeous and neglected (i.e., less expensive) flower varieties to choose from. And red isn’t your only option, either. You also could choose peach, pink or yellow. Another tidbit: Does your partner love to garden and work in the yard? If so, a beautiful outdoor plant that will keep on living might be more appropriate than cut flowers that will quickly fade.

9. Write down how you feel. Using a package of inexpensive Valentines from the drug store or grocery store — or, for that matter, any kind of paper — you could write out dozens of reasons why you love your mate. Leave the messages all over the house, in both noticeable and hidden-away places. This is a gift that could keep on giving for weeks or months to come.

10. Plan ahead for next year. If Valentine’s Day is a holiday that matters to you and your significant other, make a mental note of how quickly it can sneak up on you after the big winter holidays in December. Think about realistic ways you can cut back on your spending so you’ll be able to use cash to cover all of the 2007-08 holidays without relying on credit cards and going into debt. Can you cut back on costly coffee drinks, snacks and sodas during your work day? Or maybe put off some discretionary purchases you’ve been thinking about making?

By Laura T. Coffey

Instructions for Life

1.Give people more than they expect, and do it cheerfully.
2.Memorize your favorite poem.
3.Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want.
4.Say "I love you" or "Aloha" only if you mean it.
5.When you say "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
6.Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
7.Believe in love at first sight.
8.Never laugh at anyone's dreams.
9.Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt, but it's the only way to live life completely.
10.In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
11.Don't judge people by their relatives.
12.Talk slowly but think quickly.
13.When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer,
smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
14.Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
15.Call home.
16.Say "Bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
17.When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
18.Remember the three R's:
Respect for self;
Respect for others;
Responsibility for all your actions.
19.Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
20.When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
21.Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
22.Marry a person you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any others.
23.Spend some time alone.
24.Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
25.Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
26.Read more books and watch less TV.
27.Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time.
28.Trust in God but lock your car.
29.Do all you can to create a tranquil, harmonious home.
30.In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
31.Read between the lines.
32.Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
33.Be gentle with the Earth.
34.Pray. There's immeasurable power in it.
35.Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
36.Mind your own business.
37.Don't trust a man/woman who doesn't close his/her eyes when you kiss.
38.Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
39.If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction.
40.Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
41.Learn the rules, then break some.
42.Remember that the best relationship is one where your love
for each other is greater than your need for each other.
43.Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
44.Remember that your character is your destiny.
45.Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
46.Many people will walk in and out of your life,
but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.
47.To handle yourself, use your head;
To handle others, use your heart.
48.Anger is only one letter short of danger.
49.If someone betrays you once, it's his fault;
if he betrays you twice, it's your fault.
50.Great minds discuss ideas;
Average minds discuss events;
Small minds discuss people.
51.God gives every bird its food,
But He does not throw it into its nest.
52.He who loses money, loses much;
He who loses a friend, loses more;
He who loses faith, loses all.
53.Beautiful young people are acts of nature,
But beautiful old people are works of art.
54.Learn from the mistakes of others.You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
55.The tongue weighs practically nothing,But so few people can hold it.
56.The real test of class is how you treat people who cannot possibly do you any good.
57.The road to success and the road to happiness are two lanes of the same highway. The toll paid is, "To Thine Ownself, Be True."
58.Everyone can use a prayer.
59.Family, caring and love have no ethnic, age, socio-economic, geographic, religious, cultural, or ethnic boundaries.
60.No matter how hard and heart-wrenching the consequences:
"It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."
61.Making a living is not the same thing as making a life.
62.If you pursue happiness, it will elude you. If you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.
63.Believe in miracles.
64.Synchronicity happens when one tunes in and listens to the soft, almost imperceptible whisperings.
65.If something unkind is said about you, bless the person, knowing that untoward comments are merely self-projections. Continue to live your life, so that no one will believe them.
66.Children and grandparents are natural allies.
66.A heart filled with gratitude attracts serenity and contentment.
67.Even when you have pains, you don't have to be one.
68.Silent company is often more healing than words of advice.
69.When one door closes, another opens. Keep from looking so regretfully at the closed door, and look for the other that is swinging wide open.
70.The greater a person's sense of guilt, the greater his/her need to cast blame on others.
71.Carpe Diem (Seize the Day)! Yet, while opportunity may not knock twice, Grace often gives you a second chance.
72.Going through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands doesn't work; you need to be able to throw something back.
73.Singing Amazing Grace, Kanaka Wai Wai and Kawaipunahele can lift my spirits for hours.
74.Someone's day, month, or year is made by simply sending a card or an e-mail.
75.Less is more.
76.Living in the tradition of Lloyd C. Douglas' The Magnificent Obsession, giving without telling anyone, is true giving.
77.To cheer yourself up, cheer someone else up.
78.When you wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back.
79.You can tell a lot about a person by the way three things are handled: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
80.Whenever a decision is based on love, it is the right decision.
81.Among the best gifts given to children are not material. They include: values, loving your loved ones and nurturing your relationships, being there for them, and expressing your affection and Aloha with thought, word, and deed.
82.There are people who love you dearly and just don't know how to say it. Their eloquence is to be found in their loving actions.
83.Reach out and hold hands, initiate a warm hug, or give a friendly pat on the back. Human touch is healthful for body and soul.
84.Regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die.
85.Thy Will is infinitely wiser than my will. There are no accidents.
86.There's always something new to learn.
87. Love is our reason for living.

Always Remember

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.

FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. Please No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's:

Respect for self;

Respect for others;

Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.